Does the person who upset you need to change?  Often, yes.  Someone who makes you that angry, sad, or afraid probably needs to change something.  That person has done something offensive and you’re not okay with it.


Micromanagement Or Self-Focus?


Yet, which avenue offers you most reliable influence?  What course of action holds the highest potential to transform an experience?


  1. Trying to teach other people what they need to be doing differently?  Micromanagement. 
  2. Or taking responsibility for your own experience, despite how much someone else should change?  Self-focus.


No Matter What, You Have Things to Do Too


When someone needs to do some things differently (because you’re being hurt), you need to do some things differently too.  For example, you might need to put some distance between you two.  Or you might need to separate yourself with some healthy boundaries.  And you’ll most likely also need to address the reasons you pretended not to see this coming a long time ago.  You probably need to trust your gut more!


If your solution were found solely in changing someone else, even when they need to change, you might never learn to take care of yourself as well as you need to.  You might not ever learn to trust your gut as much as you need to either.  Whether or not someone else ever changes, the good news is that you always can.


You Are Not (Merely) A Spiritual Being Having a Physical Experience


You are a body and you are energy.  Your body is a physical object, which includes your brain.  


Your mind is a non-physical energy, which should not be confused with your brain.  While your brain would like to be the sole “you”, it, like every other part of your body, is merely a component of you.


You Are (Also) a Physical Being Having a Spiritual Experience


Your body feels things; your body is where you have feelings.  Your mind experiences things; your mind is where you have experiences.  Feelings and experiences are completely interconnected and dependent upon each other.  Each is capable of significant influence upon the other, to the point of seeming to cause the other.


We’re all aware that experiences usually elicit feelings.  And we’ve all undoubtedly treated feelings as if they can give birth to experiences – that is the origin of positive thinking as a tool for improving life’s fulfillment.  But, while it is therefore natural to seek improvement of one by correcting the other, a painful experience or feeling should be addressed rather than corrected.  And addressing painful experiences and feelings always offers you the best potential to change your life.



Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.


Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.