Karen Cadera, of the cool Grow a Greater You Facebook group, asked me to extrapolate on something I wrote a couple days ago.  What, exactly, did I mean when I wrote, “look for doubt within” (after feeling your feelings)?


Un-exercise Is Not Exercise


First, I’d like to repeat: un-exercise is for the breathing, not the workout.  After you meet with your doctor to help craft your plan, do it for the anaerobic state it produces, not for the effect on your body.


How to Look for Doubt Within


In The 30-Minute Soulmate I go into great detail about looking for doubt within.  Ask yourself two questions, in this order, during un-exercise:  “What am I feeling?” and “Why did it hurt that much?”  And you’re looking for self-doubt, not blame.


Here’s How This Can Work


There are 4 damn good ways to suffocate a relationship (or any experience, for that matter):


  1. Blame your partner for bad experiences
  2. Blame yourself for bad experiences
  3. Your partner blames you for bad experiences
  4. Your partner blames himself for bad experiences


Under certain circumstances, as you probably know, any of those four can be nearly impossible to overcome.  The common denominator, blame, is what you want to stay away from.  Not because you and your partner aren’t to blame sometimes, but because figuring that out hasn’t solved your problems.


What About When I’m Staring at One of My Greatest Fears?


Karen asked me for an example from my million dollar debt recovery.  How did I change my beliefs while looking at 15 foreclosures, bankruptcy, $1 million in debt, sheriff’s deputies visiting my workplace to serve me with bank actions, and collection agencies calling me and my wife multiple times each day?  It wasn’t by using positive affirmations to “make” me think I didn’t “deserve” these experiences.


Walk Into Your Pain, Instead of Running Toward Your Desire


It was by doing my best to forget about who was to blame and how, especially myself.  Instead I began to play a game I eventually called “Grow a Greater You” by looking within myself for solutions.  


  • I listened to how I really felt instead of trying to change it.
  • I was more honest with myself about what those painful feelings meant about me, about how I thought of myself.
  • I committed myself to being who I really wanted to be, instead of who I was afraid I was becoming.
  • Being that person provided solutions to my pain and changed my beliefs.
  • As my beliefs changed, so did my experiences with money.


As Counterintuitive As It Might Seem, This Really Works


Sometimes great freedom comes from courageously walking into the pain, by asking “What am I feeling?” and “Why did it hurt that much?”  I’ve found the answers can hurt and won’t always seem positive, because they will usually be about your anger, self-doubt, and fear.  But they often provide solutions.


Ask them during un-exercise, simply for the power-boost of a disrupted brain, and you might be amazed at the solutions you can find.  




Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.


Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect