What about, “When I get in an argument with a butthead, pretty soon we’re impossible to tell apart”?
I recently got into a disagreement with someone. Both of us felt absolutely certain about our perceptions of what caused the disagreement.
Did I follow the sage advice listed above?
Yes. And no.
You, Mr. “Science Guy”, Wrestled a Pig?
But I don’t mean “no” in the way you might be thinking.
First of all, let me state that I’m not calling the person I disagreed with a “pig”, nor a “butthead”. If I did, I’d be negating the very real fact that, to this person, I am just as much a “pig” or “butthead”. Calling names in a disagreement is never a good thing; of course both of the parties think their perspective is correct, so how can one of us truly be a “butthead” and the other not? (Click that link to Tweet it)
But the reason I said “no” about following the advice is this: I never argued.
Did I believe I was right? Yep. Still do.
Yet, if I argue with the person, I am plainly saying one of two things:
- My being right needs to come at the other person’s expense; I cannot be right unless the other person is wrong
- I am not sure I’m right, so I have to argue (and convince the other person that they are wrong) to feel okay about my perspective
The Real Reason You Shouldn’t Wrestle or Argue With a Pig, Butthead, or Anything Else
Neither of those two beliefs, I have found, serve me in the least. In fact, all they do is help solidify the illusion that I am separate from everyone (and everything) else. And they help reinforce the illusion that life is a zero-sum game – that someone must always lose when I succeed.
Those two beliefs do not create a desirable material reality for me. Or for you either.
What is the alternative, then, to arguing when you disagree? Simply blow out the candle of argument by not trying to convince the other person (or yourself) of why you are right.
Allow the other person to be right also.
You Don’t Need to Be a Doormat to Choose Not to Wrestle the Pig
So, no, I didn’t follow the advice. I simply walked away after I shared my perspective, allowing the other person to be right without sacrificing my integrity.
Of course, you might choose to state your perspectives on the disagreement. That is what I did. And that is healthy and can be helpful to both of you for various reasons.
But if you choose to simply state your perspectives, do so without any motive to convince the other person (or yourself) about why you’re right.
I’ve heard it said that someone’s opinion of me is none of my business. I agree. Someone else’s opinion of me is solely theirs and is formed by their beliefs and the stories they tell. (Click that link to Tweet it) The fact that their beliefs and stories are not aligned with me doesn’t mean I need to educate them so they can see the “error of their ways.”
Doing that is “wrestling a pig” and “arguing with a butthead”. Don’t do it; your serenity and peace of mind are too valuable to throw aside.
A New Story to Replace the Old “I Gotta Convince This Person That I’m Right” One
The next time you’re in disagreement with someone, even if you “know” you’re right, try this story: (Click that link to Tweet it)
“Although I am rather certain that my perspective is right for me, I can allow this other person to believe differently than me. His/her opposing beliefs have no power over me, nor any influence over my state of being (unless I choose to let them). It is okay for this other person to believe he/she is right, even if that also means he/she believes I am wrong. His/her opinion of me is none of my business and I can choose, today, to let us both walk away with our own perspectives intact; arguing with him/her only shows that I need him/her to be wrong (or to validate my beliefs and perspectives) to feel okay about me. If I choose this path today, I can rest assured that my serenity will not be compromised and that I am affirming my own beliefs and my security in them.”
I believe you can already surmise that this story not only feels better, but also allows you to stay in alignment with your desires because it affirms your self-worth. And you are correct to surmise that.
And stay tuned to this blog for more tips about how to use new paradigms from quantum physics to align your life with your desires…