When it comes to my relationship with my wife, I want to enjoy myself.

Pretty simple, right?

I want to experience intimacy and connection.  That’s a good definition of enjoying myself.

And I don’t want to experience judgment and disconnectedness.  That’s a good definition of not enjoying myself.

I Want to Enjoy Myself, Not Live in a Fairy Tale


How often do I not enjoy myself in my relationship?  Once is too often when it’s unnecessary.

But I don’t want Nirvana; I want to enjoy myself when it’s possible.

And I know, for a fact, that I have missed out on perfectly good opportunities to enjoy myself!


Enjoying Myself Takes Enjoying My Self


I propose that it’s not possible to consistently enjoy myself in a relationship unless I learn to enjoy my self.

What does it mean to enjoy my self?

For starters, it means I reconcile myself by processing all my feelings when my relationship experience is too painful.

When things become too painful, I am no longer enjoying my self.


See For Yourself 


Try this experiment:

  1. Think of a recent relationship experience that made you very angry
  2. Spend 30 minutes in an anaerobic state
  3. During that 30 minutes, allow yourself to feel that anger
  4. Then, also during that 30 minutes, feel how you are frightened by that experience
  5. Allow yourself to feel the fear too

Let me know what you find.



Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.


Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.