When it comes to my relationship with my wife, I want to enjoy myself.
Pretty simple, right?
I want to experience intimacy and connection. That’s a good definition of enjoying myself.
And I don’t want to experience judgment and disconnectedness. That’s a good definition of not enjoying myself.
I Want to Enjoy Myself, Not Live in a Fairy Tale
How often do I not enjoy myself in my relationship? Once is too often when it’s unnecessary.
But I don’t want Nirvana; I want to enjoy myself when it’s possible.
And I know, for a fact, that I have missed out on perfectly good opportunities to enjoy myself!
Enjoying Myself Takes Enjoying My Self
I propose that it’s not possible to consistently enjoy myself in a relationship unless I learn to enjoy my self.
What does it mean to enjoy my self?
For starters, it means I reconcile myself by processing all my feelings when my relationship experience is too painful.
When things become too painful, I am no longer enjoying my self.
See For Yourself
Try this experiment:
- Think of a recent relationship experience that made you very angry
- Spend 30 minutes in an anaerobic state
- During that 30 minutes, allow yourself to feel that anger
- Then, also during that 30 minutes, feel how you are frightened by that experience
- Allow yourself to feel the fear too
Let me know what you find.
Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You. You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.
Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful. I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.