The Importance of Enjoying Myself

When it comes to my relationship with my wife, I want to enjoy myself.

Pretty simple, right?

I want to experience intimacy and connection.  That’s a good definition of enjoying myself.

And I don’t want to experience judgment and disconnectedness.  That’s a good definition of not enjoying myself.

 

I Want to Enjoy Myself, Not Live in a Fairy Tale

 

How often do I not enjoy myself in my relationship?  Once is too often when it’s unnecessary.

But I don’t want Nirvana; I want to enjoy myself when it’s possible.

And I know, for a fact, that I have missed out on perfectly good opportunities to enjoy myself!

 

Enjoying Myself Takes Enjoying My Self

 

I propose that it’s not possible to consistently enjoy myself in a relationship unless I learn to enjoy my self.

What does it mean to enjoy my self?

For starters, it means I reconcile myself by processing all my feelings when my relationship experience is too painful.

When things become too painful, I am no longer enjoying my self.

 

See For Yourself 

 

Try this experiment:

  1. Think of a recent relationship experience that made you very angry
  2. Spend 30 minutes in an anaerobic state
  3. During that 30 minutes, allow yourself to feel that anger
  4. Then, also during that 30 minutes, feel how you are frightened by that experience
  5. Allow yourself to feel the fear too

Let me know what you find.

 

Note:

Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.

Disclaimer:

Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.

Are You Confusing Selfishness with Self-Centeredness By Pretending You’re Satisfied?​

Trade Fair Supermarket 30-08 30th Avenue Astoria, NY

As the desserts were brought to the table this Thanksgiving dinner, each person was asked whether or not they’d like a piece of pie.

As you often hear, the pie server was met with a lot of “I’ll just have a little” responses.

When I was asked, however, I had a burst of impish creative energy.

Continue reading

How to Enjoy Mopping the Kitchen Floor and Change Your Day in the Process

Buffet-Breakfast  When was the last time you ate at a sumptuous buffet?  With the choice to fill your plate with whatever foods you want, did you head for the food that you don’t like and ladle it onto your plate?

Did the stewed okra catch your eye?  Fill your plate with lima beans?  Take two huge servings of brussel sprouts?

Of course not.  While you probably didn’t load your plate with nothing but bacon, pastries, and banana pudding, I’ll bet you focused on foods you enjoy.

Isn’t It Wonderful to Skip the Brussel Sprouts?

Isn’t that the appeal of a buffet, after all?  You have the freedom to choose – and skip over what you don’t enjoy in favor of what you like and want.

Aren’t we lucky then, that each day we’re alive is a buffet?  With each moment, we are offered the same freedom to choose.  To choose to tell ourselves stories about (assign meaning to) our life that feel bad and keep us separated from the experiences we desire.  Or to tell stories that feel good and align us with the experiences we want.

No, you don’t necessarily have choice over all your actual experiences; picking and choosing each experience you have is not what makes life a buffet, because most of us don’t have that much influence no matter how long we’ve practiced creating our own reality.  What makes life a buffet is the choice you have regarding the story you tell about (the meaning you assign to) each life experience.

You Don’t Have to Pretend to Like Anything to Take Advantage of Life’s Buffet

Does this mean that you should pretend to like things you don’t?  Perhaps you aren’t thrilled to be mopping the kitchen floor or you’re not excited to be staying late at the office to finish some paperwork – should you be acting like you’re loading your plate with tasty roast beef from the buffet line?

No.

But alternatively, do you have to say, “Mopping the floor sucks and I hate this!” or “I am so mad I’m here at the office late and this has ruined my evening!”?  Who made those rules?  And why do you often act as if you have to follow them?

Life is a buffet because you get to chose the stories you tell.  Why not say, “Although I’m not necessarily overjoyed to be mopping this floor, I am glad that my family and I will get to enjoy a clean kitchen” or “Maybe I’d rather be doing something other than this paperwork right now, but I am grateful I have this job and I feel good about doing it well.”

Given the abundant choices surrounding you today, try these kinds of stories and see what an amazing difference they make.  And stay tuned to this blog for more about how to tell new stories and create a more desirable reality…