How Dionne Warwick Became an Accidental Self-Help Guru

TR1001_Dionne_WARWICK  A change in perspective, by choosing to tell a different, better-feeling (yet believable) story, can make a huge shift in your beliefs.  Sometimes instantly.

I was going through my divorce in the summer of 2006.  If you’ve been divorced, you know that there is usually grief akin to a death of a loved one.  I certainly felt that way; I often found myself sad, depressed, down, and hopeless at times.

One afternoon I was grocery shopping and, stopped in the produce section, I noticed that the store’s muzak system was playing “I Know I’ll Never Love This Way Again”, by Dionne Warwick.

“And Now…Music to Depress You…”

Are you familiar with that song?  A classic “tear-jerker” about a woman forlornly mourning the loss of her one true love.

I drew a deep breath and internalized the somber lyrics and music of Ms. Warwick’s most famous composition.  And I felt deeply saddened as I identified with and personified the song.

“Yep”, I thought, “I will never love this way again”.  Tear of sadness came to my eyes.  I fought the urge to run out of the grocery and go cry in my car.

Right in Front of My Eyes (Or Ears, If You Wanna Get Technical About It) – Dionne Warwick Became a Singing “Wayne Dyer”

Then I had a flash of inspiration.  “Wait a minute!”, I thought, “There is another way to process this song!  There is a different, and believable, story I can tell about it!”

Courage surging through me, I continued to tell my new story.

“You’re damn right I’ll never love this way again!  I’ll never again:

  • invest myself in someone so emotionally flawed
  • depend upon another person as my sole source of happiness
  • define myself and my self-worth through someone’s love and acceptance of me
  • put myself in a position of such inappropriate vulnerability by not taking responsibility for my own happiness
  • make it someone else’s ‘job’ to love me; I’ve learned the importance of being my own source of love

Hell yes, I’ll never love this way again.  And thank God for that!  I’ve learned a lot about myself; I’ve grown tremendously.  I’ll never love this way again because I never want to love this way again!”

And, suddenly, that sad, depressing song became an anthem of freedom.  Dionne Warwick’s biggest hit was no longer making me think about slitting my wrists, it was now an amazingly inspiring declaration of my new sense of personal responsibility and growth. (Click that link to Tweet it) And made me feel profoundly grateful.

Dionne Warwick, and My New Story, Made the Rest of My Grocery Shopping an Awesome Experience

I did the rest of my shopping with a palpable and noticeable vigor to my steps.  I was on top of the world, in fact.

See what a difference choosing to tell a new story, better-feeling, believable story can make? (Click that link to Tweet it) It can change your perspective instantly.  It can allow you to, literally, see a new universe right before your eyes.

Join me today in telling stories of your choosing.  Ones that uplift you and reinforce new beliefs that align you with your desires.

And stay tuned to this website for more tips for using new paradigms from quantum physics to align your beliefs with your dreams…

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10 Comments

  1. I agree on the song front: look at it a different way!

    I, too, am divorced and it was Phil Collins “Follow me follow you” that was the song my (ex) husband have “gave” me. In general, I love the melody and lyrics but the history of the song and going back to everything falling apart was heartbreaking every time I heard it.

    Then I learned to just love the song (it is a sweet sentiment) and to enjoy the fact that someone did feel about me that way (many never get the experience). Things didn’t turn out as I had planned but I actually had a good time being married. So I have kept the good and smile when I hear the song now for all the good it represents.

    Take the good moments, past, present, and future, and enjoy them!

    • Awesome new story, Jen. Way to reframe it on your terms!

      Thanks for sharing that. I love to hear your experience with new stories and how you’ve decided to assign your own value to things.

  2. Dear Greg

    How do I tell a new story about my son (16 yr old ) who suddenly decided to drop out of school since Jan 2013 and just stay at home in front of his laptop playing games?? He is in front of me playing games all day long how I can tell a different story which is right on my face?? Your kind response is highly appreciated I really need your advise badly..

    Karen

    • Hey Karen. Thanks for the question.

      The key here is to tell a better-feeling, believable story. And it sounds, from your comment, that you will not believe it if you tell yourself something like, “I don’t really care that my son is living like this; I am confident that success is in his future! I’m not worried at all!”

      Instead, to make your stories believable, make sure you honor your true feelings when you tell them. For example: “Although I’m very concerned and worried about my son’s decisions and I don’t feel he is making good, healthy choices right now, I can also remember that I don’t have the full perspective to know exactly what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. In other words, I can remember that I don’t have the perspective to authoritatively state ‘This is not supposed to be happening!’ After all, I can remember many instances from my own past where something I just ‘knew’ was bad or wrong turned out to be exactly what I needed to happen. For example, perhaps the painful consequences of my son’s choices will be exactly what he needs to motivate him to make better decisions in the future. I don’t really need to know how this will turn out – that’s not the point. The point is that I don’t HAVE to make any judgment about it at all. I do know that this situation is not wanted by me and I can’t rightfully call it ‘good’, but I’m not required to call it ‘bad’ either. I can, instead, decide to take care of myself the best I can, create healthy boundaries and expectations for my son, and trust that it is always possible that things are playing out in just the right way for what is best for all of us in the long run – even if I can’t see how that could be possible right now from my current perspective.”

      That story honored your true feelings and didn’t deny or sugarcoat them. It also, though, kept you open to the possibility that things could be okay in the long (or even the short) run. It is a better-feeling story and is also believable. Try a story like this and maintain a commitment to improve it, slowly but surely, as you can believe those improvements.

      • Wow! I sure needed to read that comment. My son is going through a nasty divorce with two small children involved and I am his only confidant and it is so hard to look at things with an objective outlook. I will begin to see his divorce through different eyes. Any advice will be much appreciated.

        • Hello Linda. Great to hear from you, yet sorry to hear about your son. Tough to watch our children go through challenges and know that those challenges can be blessings for them in the long run.

          My divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Not for all the stereotypical reasons like “getting rid of her” and things like that. Instead it was an incredible blessing because of the things I was forced to look at and change. Pain is a great motivator after all!

          When my sons go through tough stuff, I redouble my efforts to take good care of myself. Akin to putting the oxygen mask on myself first in an airplane emergency; if I’m not conscious, I’m certainly not going to be of any benefit to anyone else.

          And sometimes the best-feeling, believable story I can tell is something like: “I sure don’t like these circumstances right now. And the best I can muster right now is to remember that I lack the perspective to know, definitively, that this is ‘bad’. And, lacking that perspective, I can choose to not handcuff the universe by choosing to not give these circumstances any label at all. I sure can’t call this ‘good’, nor can I say I’m happy about it, but I also do NOT have to call this ‘bad’. And by choosing to give these circumstances no label, I know I’m doing my part to keep the infinite possibilities inherent in the quantum field open for me and my son. At the end of the day, I can also remember that the same love and good will I abundantly find is also available to my son and, perhaps, the pain he’s experiencing right now will prove to be seminal in helping him discover this for himself. In the meantime, I can choose to take care of myself and be there as a loving, nonjudgmental support person for him.”

          I extend you my best energy and wishes as you play this role. Your son is lucky to have you in his life.

  3. I am so glad I found your site…talk about the Laws of Attraction. You see, I have been looking for a way to look upon the future in a positive way, so I can not only help myself prepare, but most of all to give my two teens a more positive and hopeful perspective. Their world, as adults, is going to be very different than mine…and the upcoming financial collapse in the U.S. (eventhough we live in Canada) is frightening. Its so hard to imagine that storms always pass and eventually we see the sunshine so to speak. The media is like one big mind control machine, controlled by a few very powerful players and judging from the content, are keeping us all in a state of fear. We are all unwittingly handing over our minds to these forces because as you probably know, the brain actually cannot distinguish, on a feeling level, between what is real and what is imaginary. This is why when we watch fictional movies we react emotionally. This is how people get hooked watching soap operas everyday. This is how we disconnect from ourselves and others. After reading a few of your essays, I am wondering if, in fact, our mass participation in this fear of the future, if we are, in fact, creating it? If so, can the act of a minority few actually change the outcome, if they apply the conscious effort to reframe the events in the present? When you heard that song,you did this shift to something positive…how can we do this shift when we hear that our government’s are all in debt and can’t pay those debts back and those debts are increasing exponentially and the system will implode?

    Having said that, I would like to share a more personal story. We adopted our daughter at the age of 2 from a Ukrainian orphanage. She had been there since birth. When its necessary to tell her story I do but I have noticed I always tell it in a way that makes others see her as a poor victim. Why? Because I wanted them to treat her with more compassion and understanding. Well it generally works, I think but now she is 17 and she acts, thinks and often talks like a victim eventhough she has not overheard me talking to lets say a teacher or a therapist etc. Well, for the first time she is in a really good high school, small and alternative with a great staff. I didn’t say anything to the school about her background, I wanted her to go there without any label imposed on her. But this past month, has been so difficult for her she has been suffering from bouts of pain and illness. Finally, I went in and explained that she is by virtue of her adoption a traumatized child, with PTSD, anxiety disorder, separation anxiety etc. They were really compassionate and when I got home I wrote a thank you email. With the school social worker, I took the time to give her more details…specifically to describe what life in the orphanage really looked like. But instead of focusing upon my daughter the poor little victim, I wrote about how amazingly resilient she was, how smart she was to outwit the other children who tried to take things from her, how tenacious she was in refusing to be forced to do something she didn’t want to do or didn’t feel comfortable with and how skilled in observing human behavior she was having 12 different caregivers on rotating shifts…and ultimately how much she has changed me for the better. I felt so much better celebrating her in such a positive way and I think she has picked up on this because she is feeling better and dealt with a difficult situation with a friend in a very healthy and unbelievably mature way. She is beginning to let her light shine and it is indeed something to behold!

    • Wow, :ashky! I’m honored to read your personal comments.

      I am remembering that we each see our own unique universe. Which is exactly why what is chicken poop to some is chicken salad to others. Knowing this calms me a little when I hear someone speak about the US debt. And, hopefully, we can all learn to tell better-feeling, believable stories about our government and our nation – just as we do about our individual dreams and desires. After all, our country has faced some incredible challenges and emerged stronger for it in the long run.

      I can really empathize with you about your daughter. Six years ago, during our divorce, my sons’ mother suddenly moved six hours away – when my sons were aged 12, 10, and 4. As you can imagine, it has been very challenging (and sometimes impossible) for my sons to not internalize her leaving, not feel sad and depressed, not worry that they were at fault somehow, and not feel a lowered sense of self-worth because of her decision.

      Without trivializing their journey, I continue to help frame my sons’ circumstances by helping them create the best-feeling, believable stories about their circumstances. For example, my oldest son wrote his college application essay about overcoming the sadness and loss of his mother and how that challenge led him to become more self-actualized, more organized, and more emotionally mature. In fact, both of my older sons are now able to refer to the gifts and blessing that have come from their mother’s move.

      Chicken poop really can become chicken salad if we allow it. And that’s what my books and website are here to help people learn to do.

      I would love to hear more from you.

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