How to Hack Yourself

Celso Antonio Almeida asked if we live in a holodeck.  A holodeck like the one made famous in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I ran with the idea.  I hope you take it to anaerobic un-exercise too.

 

Okay – It’s a Holodeck

 

Let’s say this is a holodeck.  While it’s not necessarily one literally, there’s a strong metaphor there.  We are a temporary deviation from an energy state, so I can see the holodeck comparison.

 

If It’s a Holodeck, Though, What’s Going On?

 

In your holodeck, you probably want the same thing I do in mine.  You probably want more control over experiences.  You want to experience more intimacy, connection, wealth, and success.  And experience less separateness, loneliness, doubt, and timidness.

You, like me, want to rewrite the holodeck’s software.  So you can experience more things the way you want.

 

You Aren’t Doing Anything Wrong

 

Fortunately, from my perspective, the software is not only accessible, it’s also rewritable.

The software is you.  You give meaning and value to everything and, thus, create every experience.

Your thoughts, desires, and actions influence your holodeck immensely.  Your fulfilling experiences are testimony to that.  You have lots of great experiences.

Some of your experiences don’t respond as well.  Rewriting the software, however, can change some of those experiences.

 

You’re Not the Only Cause

 

If life is a holodeck, doesn’t that suggest experiences are somewhat subjective?  Yes.  But your experiences are not subjective, they are the ones you have.  Subjectivity simply means the software can be rewritten.

 

Hack Yourself

 

Want to hack yourself?  Try this, while in an anaerobic state:

  • When you feel really angry, also search for fear
  • When you’re really scared, also search for anger
  • When you find the other, you find a raw wound
  • A wound can heal

Healing a wound can re-write the software

 

 

 

Note:

Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.

Disclaimer:

Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect

A Solution From a Source You Might Not Have Guessed

Marty Bernstein asked about how I live my way into a new emotional reference point.

Being fully present with all my emotions has proven to be a key for living my way into a new emotional reference point.

 

Pain and Fear Are Important

 

Working up the Emotional Reference Chart is about gradually moving into less painful experiences. The degree to which I ignore fear and anger can have a direct effect upon how painful an experience is. Thus, ignoring any fear and anger can obstruct my way to a new emotional reference point.

 

Some Solutions Can Make the Problem Worse

 

After all, ignoring fear and anger invariably requires ignoring the things that create those feelings. The more I ignore, the higher the potential for a painful experience. In a gross irony, ignoring fear and anger can often cause more pain than simply feeling them in the first place would’ve.

 

Pain Can Help Allow Pleasure

 

Allowing myself to feel more fear and anger means I’m probably going to pay more attention to things which cause those feelings.  And, counterintuitive as it may seem, the more fear and anger I feel, the more pleasing an experience can become. Thus, living my way into a new emotional reference point can be said to hinge on self-honesty about painful feelings.

 

More Honesty Can Provide More Intimacy and Connection

 

The best solutions can often be found in the things you thought were the problem.  The more I allow myself to feel afraid and angry, for example, the more intimacy and connection I can experience with my wife.  Living my way into a new emotional perspective usually involves deeper honesty about fear and anger than it does a deeper understanding of the experiences I desire.

 

 

Note:

Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.

Disclaimer:

Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect

The Best Rock and Roll Song for Soulmates

The following post is from my newest book, set for publication in a month or so.  Hope you enjoy.

 

Chapter One – The Sobbing Runner

Some of the experiences I have with my soulmate overwhelm me.  That’s because I’m now experiencing the soulmate relationship I always dreamed of after years of longing for it.  This book describes how I learned to finally create these experiences, not one describing what I learned.  If you sincerely follow what I’ve learned to do, however, you will learn the things you need to.  And your experiences of love and intimacy could very well surpass mine.

I’d like to begin with a story of how powerfully my experiences with love and intimacy can be now.  I am an avid runner; moving my body powerfully through space on a warm, sunny afternoon is one of my favorite activities.  Recently, while running my third mile on just such an afternoon, a song caused me to unexpectedly burst into tears.

The Front Bottoms’ catchy song, Help, has a sincere message about relationships.  On this run, though, I heard more than a cool song – I heard some ideas that caused me to unexpectedly sob with gratitude.  Right in the middle of my run, shocked by the enormity of emotions, I openly cried for about thirty seconds without breaking stride.

I laughed later, imaging a neighbor thinking, “If running upsets him so much, why does Greg keep doing it?”  Here is the verse from The Front Bottoms’ song, Help, which moved me so deeply:

 

I watch her throw her hands up into the air.

I hear her say, “Don’t worry.”

The lovers will go down together into the flames with nothing else,

But the promise to meet up and hang out.

To hang out.

Oh, to hang out.

 

My Soulmate is Someone Who Hangs Out?

I get chills reading those lines because that is how my wife became my soulmate.  My wife doesn’t stop loving me no matter what.  My wife doesn’t criticise me often because she knows I’m doing the best I can.  And she does tell me the truth..  My wife is my soulmate because she doesn’t quit on me.

To create that relationship, however, I first needed to learn better ideas about love and intimacy.  You see, we can experience only what our ideas are capable of creating.  For example, I needed to learn that what I’d been labeling criticism wasn’t actually criticism at all. My wife helped me learn better ideas about love and intimacy because she was as committed as a soulmate – a partner who stays with me after my current ideas become inadequate.  And, in a bit of joyful irony, those better ideas she helped me learn are what made it possible for me to experience her as my soulmate.

My soulmate taught me how to manifest a soulmate.  Now I’m going to teach you how to manifest yours.

When your current ideas about love and intimacy become inadequate, your relationship becomes painful.  Those flames The Front Bottoms sing about?  They represent the painful experiences of defending my inadequate ideas about relationships (when I didn’t yet know about learning better ones).  Those flames can the death of a relationship, when you’re not learning better ideas, but if you desire a soulmate they can be a forge manifesting great experiences of intimacy and love.

Fire Is Painful

The fires roared for a while.  I was well-practiced in my demands about hearing only what I wanted and I was an expert at defending all my worst ideas.  But my wife kept her promise.  My wife hung out with me amid experiences too painful for my previous soulmate candidates.  And, more importantly, experiences that had been too painful for me also.

I’d never been honest with myself during those most painful fires, let alone with my partner.  I ran from them too, so I could keep the inadequate ideas causing them a secret.  One of my worst ideas was that you would reject me if you found out how inadequate some of my ideas about love and intimacy really were.

My wife hung out with me amid the flames of some really bad ideas about love and intimacy.  Flames that burned my previous relationships to the ground.  This time, however, I stopped defending them long enough to listen and learn.  Keeping her promise to stay, my wife helped me finally learn ideas capable of creating the relationship I always wanted.  

Fire Can Be Extinguished

We still meet up and hang out, but the fires are mere backyard barbeques compared with some of the bonfires we endured.  I hope there are always better ideas to learn about love and intimacy, so my experiences can continue to grow more fulfilling.  If that’s the case, I expect we’ll sit through an occasional flame or two.  As I grow more in-tune with hearing better ideas, though, the flames are less painful.

The Front Bottoms know my soulmate – a partner who hangs out in my flames until I learn better ideas about love and intimacy.  My tears were a mixture of gratitude for my wife’s commitment and painful memories of defending bad ideas on the graves of dead relationships. Better ideas continue to create better experiences of intimacy and love.  It would take another lifetime to repay my wife and, thankfully, she says the same about me.

What would’ve happened, though, if I hadn’t been willing to learn new ideas?  Or, alternatively, what would’ve happened if my wife’s ideas weren’t really better than mine?  What if my wife stayed, but I never stopped defending my bad ideas?  Wouldn’t I have taken advantage of her?  What if I had invested myself in my wife’s ideas, only to discover she was untrustworthy and unreliable?  Wouldn’t she have taken advantage of me?

Those concerns will be addressed more thoroughly later.  But, no, better ideas can even create better relationships when your partner is untrustworthy and unreliable.