How You Can Make a Better Decision

Denise Finch asked about how to make fewer choices which turn out not so good, although they initially seemed like good ones.  I ran with it today to write this post.

It’s Easy to Make a Great Decision Afterward


In retrospect is the only way you can view such a choice, of course.  Since you think it’s a good one when you make it, you only discover otherwise afterward.  And hindsight is almost always 20/20.


Blinded By “Need”


I recommend looking at the “need” which caused you to ignore potential warning signs.  In retrospect, you can discover what you’re missing.  That void, that “need”, is a wound, raw enough to create a painful experience.


Not Paying Attention Is Risky


Painful experiences can be caused by wounds you’re not actively healing.  When a wound is raw, you have to stop paying attention to information which might inflame it.  Whenever you’re not paying attention, you leave yourself more open to pain and harm.


Enlightened by Healing


Alternatively, healing your wounds can be the best measure against making bad choices which initially seemed like good ones.  The more present and aware you are, the higher the probability you’re going to make better decisions.



Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.


Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.

The Importance of Enjoying Myself

When it comes to my relationship with my wife, I want to enjoy myself.

Pretty simple, right?

I want to experience intimacy and connection.  That’s a good definition of enjoying myself.

And I don’t want to experience judgment and disconnectedness.  That’s a good definition of not enjoying myself.


I Want to Enjoy Myself, Not Live in a Fairy Tale


How often do I not enjoy myself in my relationship?  Once is too often when it’s unnecessary.

But I don’t want Nirvana; I want to enjoy myself when it’s possible.

And I know, for a fact, that I have missed out on perfectly good opportunities to enjoy myself!


Enjoying Myself Takes Enjoying My Self


I propose that it’s not possible to consistently enjoy myself in a relationship unless I learn to enjoy my self.

What does it mean to enjoy my self?

For starters, it means I reconcile myself by processing all my feelings when my relationship experience is too painful.

When things become too painful, I am no longer enjoying my self.


See For Yourself 


Try this experiment:

  1. Think of a recent relationship experience that made you very angry
  2. Spend 30 minutes in an anaerobic state
  3. During that 30 minutes, allow yourself to feel that anger
  4. Then, also during that 30 minutes, feel how you are frightened by that experience
  5. Allow yourself to feel the fear too

Let me know what you find.



Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.


Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.

The Best Rock and Roll Song for Soulmates

The following post is from my newest book, set for publication in a month or so.  Hope you enjoy.


Chapter One – The Sobbing Runner

Some of the experiences I have with my soulmate overwhelm me.  That’s because I’m now experiencing the soulmate relationship I always dreamed of after years of longing for it.  This book describes how I learned to finally create these experiences, not one describing what I learned.  If you sincerely follow what I’ve learned to do, however, you will learn the things you need to.  And your experiences of love and intimacy could very well surpass mine.

I’d like to begin with a story of how powerfully my experiences with love and intimacy can be now.  I am an avid runner; moving my body powerfully through space on a warm, sunny afternoon is one of my favorite activities.  Recently, while running my third mile on just such an afternoon, a song caused me to unexpectedly burst into tears.

The Front Bottoms’ catchy song, Help, has a sincere message about relationships.  On this run, though, I heard more than a cool song – I heard some ideas that caused me to unexpectedly sob with gratitude.  Right in the middle of my run, shocked by the enormity of emotions, I openly cried for about thirty seconds without breaking stride.

I laughed later, imaging a neighbor thinking, “If running upsets him so much, why does Greg keep doing it?”  Here is the verse from The Front Bottoms’ song, Help, which moved me so deeply:


I watch her throw her hands up into the air.

I hear her say, “Don’t worry.”

The lovers will go down together into the flames with nothing else,

But the promise to meet up and hang out.

To hang out.

Oh, to hang out.


My Soulmate is Someone Who Hangs Out?

I get chills reading those lines because that is how my wife became my soulmate.  My wife doesn’t stop loving me no matter what.  My wife doesn’t criticise me often because she knows I’m doing the best I can.  And she does tell me the truth..  My wife is my soulmate because she doesn’t quit on me.

To create that relationship, however, I first needed to learn better ideas about love and intimacy.  You see, we can experience only what our ideas are capable of creating.  For example, I needed to learn that what I’d been labeling criticism wasn’t actually criticism at all. My wife helped me learn better ideas about love and intimacy because she was as committed as a soulmate – a partner who stays with me after my current ideas become inadequate.  And, in a bit of joyful irony, those better ideas she helped me learn are what made it possible for me to experience her as my soulmate.

My soulmate taught me how to manifest a soulmate.  Now I’m going to teach you how to manifest yours.

When your current ideas about love and intimacy become inadequate, your relationship becomes painful.  Those flames The Front Bottoms sing about?  They represent the painful experiences of defending my inadequate ideas about relationships (when I didn’t yet know about learning better ones).  Those flames can the death of a relationship, when you’re not learning better ideas, but if you desire a soulmate they can be a forge manifesting great experiences of intimacy and love.

Fire Is Painful

The fires roared for a while.  I was well-practiced in my demands about hearing only what I wanted and I was an expert at defending all my worst ideas.  But my wife kept her promise.  My wife hung out with me amid experiences too painful for my previous soulmate candidates.  And, more importantly, experiences that had been too painful for me also.

I’d never been honest with myself during those most painful fires, let alone with my partner.  I ran from them too, so I could keep the inadequate ideas causing them a secret.  One of my worst ideas was that you would reject me if you found out how inadequate some of my ideas about love and intimacy really were.

My wife hung out with me amid the flames of some really bad ideas about love and intimacy.  Flames that burned my previous relationships to the ground.  This time, however, I stopped defending them long enough to listen and learn.  Keeping her promise to stay, my wife helped me finally learn ideas capable of creating the relationship I always wanted.  

Fire Can Be Extinguished

We still meet up and hang out, but the fires are mere backyard barbeques compared with some of the bonfires we endured.  I hope there are always better ideas to learn about love and intimacy, so my experiences can continue to grow more fulfilling.  If that’s the case, I expect we’ll sit through an occasional flame or two.  As I grow more in-tune with hearing better ideas, though, the flames are less painful.

The Front Bottoms know my soulmate – a partner who hangs out in my flames until I learn better ideas about love and intimacy.  My tears were a mixture of gratitude for my wife’s commitment and painful memories of defending bad ideas on the graves of dead relationships. Better ideas continue to create better experiences of intimacy and love.  It would take another lifetime to repay my wife and, thankfully, she says the same about me.

What would’ve happened, though, if I hadn’t been willing to learn new ideas?  Or, alternatively, what would’ve happened if my wife’s ideas weren’t really better than mine?  What if my wife stayed, but I never stopped defending my bad ideas?  Wouldn’t I have taken advantage of her?  What if I had invested myself in my wife’s ideas, only to discover she was untrustworthy and unreliable?  Wouldn’t she have taken advantage of me?

Those concerns will be addressed more thoroughly later.  But, no, better ideas can even create better relationships when your partner is untrustworthy and unreliable.